#i should probably eat now tho…
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OHMIGOSH LOOK WHAT MY FRIEND GOT ME
Its been a really rough day so this was a Lovely thing to come home to 🥰
#kiwi rambles#my mom works at the store location friend does#and ao friend gave mom the gifts for her and me (which we were not aware we were getting lol)#and she brought them home to open together#i should probably eat now tho…#:(#also my toe is definitely bruised so thats lovely#(<- hurt it changing my bed sheets/adding comforter)
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chat i think im gonna be sick
(Powers of X #6)
#xmen#xmen comics#powers of x#charles xavier#snap scans#snap chats#moira stronger than me like ik why we here we're gonna die if not and so that is why she is stronger than me she is committing#i woulda kissed him in this moment too tho she and i are family on that front im afraid i do find him very cute#also. SIDE TANGENT. i loved the art before this of charles slowly processing the horrors of moiras mind ...#EXCELLENT art i must eat it at once#the most devious part of this is after i finished reading i went to go to my brother to talk about What I Read#and the second i pulled up like 'his sad eyes Brother im gonna be sick' he immediately quoted this page I HATE IT HERE#thats why they had to put that dome over charles' eyes so no one could look at his sad eyes anymore#this is in fact something i love and always love seeing but it still hurts i will not LIIIEEE#cant wait to read bout how this all goes horribly wrong ....#while my bro and i were talkin we were talkin bout other in-between stories an i wanna check those out at some point ...#maybe ill check my comic shop sometime in the future idk. for now im gonna throw up !!!!!!!!!!#i will simply spend tomorrow watching the rest of 92 im almost done with it. relatively speaking i will feel healed then probably#i got like two seasons left which is basically the same length as season 3 and then its onto 97#thats just one season for now so ... should finish that quick ..#ok bye i have Being Sick to be
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dust and horror angel and demon themes,,,, they could totally parallel each other...... :3
dust=angel of death described in the delta rune prophecy (self declared) (i DEFINITELY elaborated on this one waayyyy before but anyways dust with a fucked up savior complex SAVE ME SAVE ME.... death is a blessing ass guy. life is torment and he will be the one to liberate monsters from their bodies and with the strength they provide to him be able to take down evil evil creation of pure misery that is the human ✨✨✨ dont worry his evil cackles are to HIDE HIS PAIN of saving everyone....... trust)
horror=demon that dragged everyone in horrortale into hell (as perceived by everyone else) (i think it would be a cool hc if everyone outside of snowdin viewed horror as literally a demon. maybe undyne preaches that. anyone outside of snowdin might be WAYYY worse because they starve for longer and literally take part in cannibalism so they might not have the same sort of mild sanity that snowdin residents do,,,, besides he DID kinda bring them all eternal suffering. kinda. nobody but undyne knows what happened at the core so she could totally just paint the story to blame horror fully)
ANYWAYS i like the possible dynamics this could have :333
dust to horror (please let me kill you PLEASE let me kill you i can end it all so peacefully wouldn't it be nice??? i promise ill make it quick just for you),,, horror to dust (i want you to live and suffer with what youve done i want you to watch all of your choices hit you one day and i'll be there and laugh at you. i'll keep you alive just to keep you suffering ok?)
OR dust to horror (you dont deserve to die you dont deserve to even be hurt by me. not because youre the exception but youre the Exception i absolutely loathe you so youll never get the sweet release of death :3) and horror to dust (just let me die already i dont wanna be here. youre supposed to be a savior right??? an angel?? then why don't you save me already when i need it more than anyone else)
#SHITS THIS OUT BECAUSE I NEED TO GET RID OF IT. my evil doppelganger will adore this post i've already shown them#this is definitely a bit of an exaggeration of their characters in my eyes but i love it :333#i dont think that dust is THIS deluded in my eyes and i dont think horror is this cynical. even tho theyre both still these traits#i came up with this idea while writing my mtt meets eachother fic :3#you can probably totally guess where i made the connection. thank you horrortale undyne for this one single thing#anyways i dont know how to shove killer into this LMAO. i was thinking like.... angel and demon on your shoulder to swap choices#but but triglycercule doesnt killer already have that with his stages??? well YES but both can be true at the same time :333#idk i dont have enough brain juices for this rn. so you get this half assed explanation 😭😭‼️‼️‼️#dust: we should kill this person. totally because they need to be freed and not because they piss me off#horror: no we should keep them alive but torment them so they never get the sweet release of death and suffer#and thanks to killer THEY CAN DO BOTH!!! YAAAAY!!!!! the powers of determination are awesome man (smug tiktok emoji)#dust is sounding awfully similar to a certain killer au of mine i made..... swapinverse rearing its ugly head once again smh#idk if this is more of a symbolic thing or LITERALLY angel dust and demon horror#because i like both ideas........ imagine an actual angel dust and demon horror going around with killer doing the little dialogue i said#what would killer be in this??? he's not a mortal or a human as would be per usual when describing whats between an angel or demon#killer as a god lmao..... noooo noooooo..... maybe just something akin to one. i meaaan technically-#someone who's more into religious theming would probably eat this idea but i cant be bothered uaghhhh#if i say anything about killer i will get shot. but i can tank a couple bullets. killer does have the ability to let both dust and horror#fufill their own ideologies. and also i am a big fat SUCKER for killer keeping horror and dust 'in line' IDC if its a bad sanses concept#i love it and therefore it's now mine to use in an only mtt context. otherworldly beings trio ‼️‼️ aghhhhh#i have like 89 drafts if the drafts reach 100 by the end of the year i think i'd DIE. so this is getting posted idc#you wont see me using literal angel and demon dust and horror. but if you look in my mind you'll see the themes regularly in what i talk ab#anyways back to writing this stupid fic i go. dust is currently battling several inner demons rn. good luck loser :3#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#sans au#utmv#tricule hc
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no ones ever gonna understand how much i love daigo doin this stupid shit after dissolving the tojo
#snap chats#is this a gaiden spoiler. its been like five months catch up you nerds#ANYWAYYYYY NOO I LOVE HIM ....... this whole bit is like four seconds long but i love it so much#i just reminded myself i should probably make gaiden/y8 videos for daigo.. i'll make it a JP/ENG comp or somethn.. one day#not soon tho like its barely anything since he's not in those games Long At All but still. im lazy 💀#excuse me while i gush about daigo for twenty minutes now because hehee HE'S SO CUTE I CAN'T GET OVER IT#this is literally the middle aged equivalent of going yippee like YOU CAN TELL HE'S SO RELIEVED IT'S SO CUTE#got the energy of a student with crippling anxiety after they somehow get through giving a presentation without throwing up#AND his lil smile ......... thank you gaiden you made me wanna eat drywall with daigo's sad puppy dog eyes about kiryu#and then immediately made up for it a minute later#sorry i keep scrolling up to look at him and i love him so much. what if i threw up#i dont like using babygirl lightly but this is actually the most Babygirl frame of him ever ive decided#thats my boy .... i love my boy so much ..... he's so cute ... come so far in life congratulations king ..... ily ...#him lookin up at the sky for a minute just to breathe i know he thankin god for the fact he somehow isnt dead yet#im gonna ignore the fact all of this was for naught so i dont bash my head against a wall anyway stan daigo#im gonna be sick i love him so much#if i redraw this later shut up. i love him...#this is why i try not to look at cutscenes anymore cause when i do i feel my brain being put in a microwave and start to melt#its not my fault i love my guys so much .... ok bye i have work to do ....#and then when i finish that work i can go back to loving my guys YAAAAAY !!!!!!!
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What sort of leg exercises do you do to develop your amazing ass? It’s a great piece of work.
You wanna know my secret?
I have a most speedy pupy who hits me with his leash whenever he wants 2 walkies…
#I really don’t have any advice to give lol I’ve been in my dad bod era for a few years now#I used to work out a lot but then I got a gainer boyfriend and rediscovered my passion for eating good food 😂#we broke up a few years back but it really helped unshackle me from the constraints of muscle culture tbh#I eat less now and try to do senshi proud by eating nutritionally balanced meals tho tastiness is almost always my primary focus#but like I’m not interested in sculpting my body so I have a chance with people who have appearance as their top priority#I’m not personally fulfilled by exercising tho I know many people who are#the only wrong way to live life is to do something you dislike bc you think you have to ✨#that being said I probably should do a little more exercise for health related reasons I’ve been getting winded pretty easily recently 🤔
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anybody else have a food they're allergic to but still eat anyway
#not DEATH deathly but like. allergic#im allergic to shrimp and guac but i still eat it ..#my throat will get itchy and swell and breathing feels more closed#wherever the food touches also swells in bumps but usually only wherever the food makes contact#but yall. it's so good#the food not the swelling lol i have to sip on water while i eat to help gauge the significance of the throat swelling#i can usually eat up to 2 or 3 big shrimps until i hit my ok.. one more and this will hurt me lots#ill probably still be able to breathe but like it'll be an even bigger struggle than it is now#i think im also allergic to this common italian herb thingy anise? but thats fine bcs i dont like it anyways#but grilled SEASONED shrimp is my weakness. i LOVE SHRIMP!!! add some buffalo sauce and my my my..#idk tho my friends hate when i eat shrimp and will moderate my moderation#'ted ure a medical man. u should be against this' i hungry#idk maybe i dhould cold cut endulging in my allergies now b4 it becomes a lifestyle#i remember when i was younger my boss order me chinese food for doing a Lot of open2closes#and i ordered shrimp and lo mein(iLOVEEEE LO MEINN!!! when i was lil i would get PLATEFULS of JUST lo mein)#(id remove the veggies bcs they got in the way of my noodles)#(but now im older and the texture is too much sameness so i get even amount of lo mein and some sorta meat for Balance)#and i ate like a bit then put the rest in the cooler and he was like 'ure not hungry?' and i told him im allergic#and his eyes got real big and he was shouted my full name like a worried parent#i mean i explained my eat 2 then wait for the swelling to die down and eat 2 more till the inability to breathe gets annoying#but he was still anxious and watching me like a hawk#so#maybe.. i shouldnt do this anymore#does anyone else do this if they have the ability to?#perhaps i am dancing with the devil here#the devil wears privilege
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I think perhaps when my psychiatrist asks me how my appetite is maybe possibly I shouldn't say it's fine 🤔
#i don't KNOW 😭😭#but i am realizing#ill be hungry and not be in the mood for any kind of food#so im hungry but i dont want to eat anything#or ill be hungry but not feel like going through the process of eating 💀#which sometimes means i don't want to get up and cook#but sometimes i literally feel like i dont have the energy to perform the task of using a fork and chewing#even tho im hungry#ive never really thought about that stuff before...... but my doctor always asks about my appetite#and im always like idk i think its fine :)#but i just saw her last week for the first time in a few months#and now I'm thinking about it.......#i dont have another appointment with her for 3 more months tho 😭#i guess i should bring it up to my therapist#...... SKDNSK????#why is this actually an epiphany. thats probably really not normal#like 😭😭😭
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I've been playing Luigi's Mansion 3 blind for the first time despite having had the game for three to four years and i just want to say i absolutely love Luigi. I thought this when i played Luigi's Mansion 2 and i think it now this guy is so brave. Like he's just a little guy and he's got a resting happy blank face and he's so so scared but he's being so so brave about everything, people don't give him enough credit. Guy is a scaredy cat and still chose to stay in the haunted hotel where everything wants his ass dead just to save his friends and family. And he's doing a damn good job of it too, King Boo and the other one are getting increasingly pissed every time i see them <3
Anyway yeah if my brain wasn't already occupied with like three different blorbos he'd be a great candidate for one. Luigi my beloved (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡
(if he gets paired up with someone i'm glad it's Bowser. He deserves someone how treats him right and we all know Bowser is the guy for that)
#ive been doing nothing but playing this game for three days help#FR THO LMFAO I ONLY TAKE BREAKS WHEN MY SWITCH DIES. OR WHEN I GET CALLED DOWN. FROM MY BED TO EAT#BOTH MY CONTROLLERS WONK HORRIBLY BUT THAT DOESNT STOP ME ITS JUST A GOOD GAME :D#i cant remember the last time i was so taken by a game. the dact that im playing blind probably also helps#i have had to ask for help from my brother a few times cause i didnt want to use the internet and onky twice did we have to look anyway#i love figuring out puzzles. this is the game for me i think#damn i gtt all the sound effects and songs stuck in my head as i go to sleep now. lmao#its also been helping me feel alright lately... this is so nice#anyway pls no spoilers past floor 12 <3#luigi nintendo#luigi's mansion#luigi's mansion 3#should i tag bowuigi. if anyone sees this tell me#anyway.#luigi my beloved#<3
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sniffles. okay. yay <3
#sorry am suddenly Going Thru It ignore me lol#and i like this line a lot it makes me feel better#brambles#(to summarize i was feeling like maybe i am weird or crazy for treating fictional the characters like they are real because it makes#me feel good. even tho that is probably a normal thing that normal people do#and then feeling like oh thats a stupid thing to be upset about. you idiot go get some real problems#even tho like with the “i need to eat something or hedwyn will be sad” that wasnt really like a haha funny joke like i am thinking about#hedwyn and i think he would be sad and worried about me that im not eating enough and that genuinely motivates me to take care of myself#and i talk to them in my head and they are real To Me in the sense that i treat them like theyre real like i talk to them and imagine#scenarios in my head and stuff#and thats probably just a normal coping mechanism but if i posted something like#“i was talking to gilman the other day” people would think im crazy and Weird!!!!!!!#and then what if its just a stupid unhealthy coping mechanism because im a friendless losr!!!!!!!!! and then that sometimes leads#to me forcing myself to Not think about them at all. which makes me miserable#that wasnt rly related but like half of me is like wow youre weird and crazy what is wrong with you! and the other halfs like nthis is norm#this is called Liking A Character A Lot and is Normal#anyways. yeag#and like. thats not a thing thats nto a real problem. why am i getting uupset about t. its after 9pm i should stop fretting#its not a real problem its not a real problem im just being like wird and idk ableist. or something#shutting up now
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i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.
#i literally like. i didnt tell u guys bc it was embarassing#but i had to hype myself up to eat a fucking orange the other day. like i was shaking and crying and i nearly threw up.#bc it fucking reminded me of All that and also bc its one of the only foods i got to eat outside ofm my one meal a day#while i was living there. bc my coworker gave me oranges sometimes#and one time she gave me a whole bag of cuties which was wonderful of her i miss her#but i pretty much like. bc during m-f i had a meal at work#and i could get something from the vending machine if i needed to#but on the weekends i had to either order food (which would always make me insanely nauseous bc of. the money stuff. yk) or just eat#what i had in my room bc i couldnt use the kitchen bc the roommates would be mad at me#and they might kick me out and id be actually fucked. its so crazy looking back that i genuinely the entire time i fucking lived there even#b4 the breakup the entire time i was in terror that theyd evict me. bc i wouldnt have been able to do anything abt it#i mean thats why i didnt like. leave him after he . and stuff. both bc i thought i didnt deserve anything better and bc i was terrified#theyd evict me and i wouldnt have any way to get home. it was terrifying#but ya. so for a couple weeks i rationed myself One orange per day lol. and on weekends that was all i was able to eat rly#idk. i hate ptsd. basicalllyyyy is the gist of ittt. and i keep thinking abt random fucking things they did to me#me when they jokingly tell me to starve myself when i literally have a fucking eating disorder. and when i told The Only Person i knew in#that fucking house abt it he told me i was being dramatic and i was just being greedy and etc. and then later when i got off work today i#saw on their fucking whiteboard in the kitchen i wasnt supposed to use Eat more <3 as one of their goals. while i went to sit in the garage#for the weekend eating a single fucking orange a day. god#idk. ive gotten better with eating i still have the scale but i ws able to go months without using it until the medical call the other week#and i havent used it since but. everytime i think abt all that itmakes me want to go back to it. i cant tho everyone would notice#i do still eat a wholee lot less than i did b4 washington but idk. idont remember if i even ate today i probably should but i dont feel#hungry but i cant even fucking trust that bc i Starved myself for so fucking long im too good at ignoring hunger. and i never was super in#touch with my body but im constantly numb now. idk.#ed ment#a2t#i ws gonna say more but it ws tmi + tag limit anyway. its just insane that my fucking ed wouldnt have happened if it werent for him and it#graduated i wouldnt have been isolatedinever wouldve had an ed. like 50% of my ptsd would be Gone if i just hadnt joined that discord. lol
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Gencon is very busy...!!!
Ummmmm highlights of the day..!!!
I maybe bought 4 Naruto figurines. Thankfully not individually expensive (though perhaps a little expensive all together...) see I wanted Sasuke but I also wanted Kakashi and I couldn't have Sasuke without Naruto and well it would feel wrong to have the 3 of them without Sakura and so I somehow. Got all 4. Haha. I'll most likely post pics later, whenever I end up opening them. I'm still at the convention center rn lol
(Putting the rest of this under a cut bc it got a little long lol)
I was on the field of the Lucas Oil Stadium, aka the stadium that the Indianapolis Colts play at. I've attended all of One game here (not professional football, it was a high school game lol) so I've felt the size of it, but it's still fucking crazy being on the field. It's so BIG...... and obviously they've got the grass covered rn, but it's still pretty cool!!!
I maaaade dice!!! Pretty precise process it seems, & definitely would require a Lot of work (after the sanding and the painting etc etc). I do still wanna get into it, but if I wanted to spring for stuff like the vacuum chamber or the pressure pot...
Yeah, it'd get expensive. Add in the fact that I don't have a good place to do this away from the cats & it really is not feasible to start rn. But!!! Eventually!!!! I think I'd really enjoy it. I just need a dedicated workshop space where I can spread out without worrying about poisoning my cats lol.
Here's some cool game set stuff I saw in the event hall. This picture is maybe... hm... a fourth of the event hall? And then when you consider that the vender hall (connected to the event hall, though it's closed right now) is maybe 1.5 times as big as the event hall?? Give or take a little...
Aka just imagine booths upon booths upon booths... I'm gonna have to take a pic of it tomorrow. I was there too briefly to think about taking a pic. Honestly I maybe managed to get through like a tenth of the whole vender hall in an hour of wandering. It's fucking huge. And So Many Dice... I bought one set of 14 (I think it was) dice. Aka an extended set. And then I got a random set bag of dice (just a basic 7). And then a d20 with a cat on it. And a dice of LETTERS. Aka I guess a d26 (I totally did not have to double check that there were 26 letters in the alphabet)(I have 702k words written & posted to ao3)(😂😂😂 I'm very tired) but with letters instead of numbers. And it's glow in the dark!!! And I found some hxh buttons, and a mighty nein poster, and uhmmmm. A cute lanyard. And that's all I bought. Which really is such restraint for me. (Omfg I just saw a dragon cosplay)(someone just dressed as a dragon)
OH YEAH I saw a fucking. Persona 5 Ryuji cosplay. Hanging out with the biker lady from Durarara. Featuring the Ryuji holding her scythe hfksbfmd which was such a funny image. I was too shy to ask for a pic but just trust 🙏 i saw this
Anyways yeah the only real big thing I bought is the naruto figurines. I'll show pics later once I got the stuff again (I dropped it all off in the car earlier)
Omfg literally as I've been sitting here (on a bench at the side of a main hallway) someone stopped by and gave me a handmade bracelet !!!
DND's 50th anniversary!!! So cute!!!!
#speculation nation#not Too much anime stuff. tho i clearly found some stuff. no trigun yet unfortunately 😔#which i already walked thru the artist area (as much as i could)(i was getting a little stressed by how crowded it was)#so idk maybe i missed a booth or smth but it'd definitely be less likely to see elsewhere in the vender's hall#but WHO KNOWS it's a wonderful massive world in there.#im actually sitting outside it rn and staring longingly at the closed doors. tomorrow... i will be able to Actually peruse it more...#and i will quite possibly wear some ear plugs next time bcus i was getting Stressed Out!!! overstimulated!!!!#pulled in a million different directions!!!!! aaaaaaa!!!!#anyways yeah my events are all done for the night. just kinda hanging out now waiting for my sister's game to be done.#gonna collapse into bed as soon as we get back. so i should probably eat some more.#i had an overpriced and underwhelming sandwich. but there is pizza somewhere. maybe i should eat pizza.#i actually... still have the keys lol. from when i dropped the stuff off at the car earlier.#which is weird. I have the ticket to home with me. but i still wait. bc it would be a dick move to leave with them lol#and also. while i Can drive. i do not have my license. so that would be. a bad. idea.#my shoulders Huuuuurt but thankfully i dont have any combat classes tomorrow#hurting shoulders is more just from my bag bc my shoulders fucking suck. but it makes me glad i can rest more tomorrow.#oh yeah i did the sword knife and longsword today. might get bruises from that knife one. it was very focused on parrying#swords. swords. swords. swords. the longsword class made me really want to own a longsword. i dont own one. yet.#i could. i could. i could. sometime. eventually. i want a longsword. i think i technically just own uhmmm um um#a rapier? a machete? a uh. i dont know what that cheap anime convention sword is actually. OH YEA AND CANE SWORD#no longsword though. i really want to own a katana too. someday i'll own both. someday.#real swords are unfortunatelly really expensive. thats why i only have uh. uh. uhhh. oh yeah i do have those 2 swords from mountains trip#i dont really know what those are either. you know i really should know what bladed weapons i own. i dont though.#i own cool swords and knives bc oooh fun pointy things! wheeeeee!!!#i'll study up on it later. lol.#anyways i guess i should go look for more food. i have rambled enough. bye!
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Fic Has Started Posting. Ink Comms Reopening This Saturday (03/06/2023) At 9AM Hanoi/Jakarta Time. I Will Be Putting This Nib Into A Fire
#bakuspeech#hi I am going to eat something and then pass out now#maybe I can scribble something from the chapter I wrote tonite.... the thing with improv writing is#you dont have visuals for Shit until you start writing#fksjdhfkj there are like seven or eight robots I need to figure out what look like and such in this one#well. miya's robot is kinda settled. tho it'll keep changing bc its like the one brand fighter#and reki and langa's robot is basically the movie version of atom. with paint. so thats done with too#on! the subject of ink comm! I'll be easing myself back into it so itll probably take a bit longer than it did in previous bouts#but the content should be the same. youve seen it u know it#Im happy :] my thing on todays to do list done :] thats great for me I am chillin#have a good day lads. will reblog this tomorrow to remind etc#if ur in summer like me. eat something sour. my message to u
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I think next chapter's illustration is just gonna be a lineup of a bunch of characters that I haven't drawn yet. I'm very low inspiration right now (in a way that I suspect is actually Physical Pain that I'm not parsing as a real sensation so it's coming out in this kind of funky malaise instead).
#time to go shower about it bc I ate and feel worse instead of better question marks???#it'll settle. I probably waited too long to eat is what it is.#so now I've got to feel The Horrors a bit until I start digesting.#but I do also have a bottle of Blue Machine to finish and that should help also. yes I got it because I thought the name was funny shh.#(tho it is my fav flavor and I have in the past drank them until my B vitamins were way too high?)
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oh i hate everything for real
#got frustrated last night so i went to bed when i probably shouldve eaten something#and now im eating a sandwich at 9 a.m. even tho i SHOULD be asleep but no#anyone else having a bad food day already lads#vent //#ed //
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found a silverfish crawling out of my antique clothes collection box
#THEY EAT CLOTHES!!!!!!!!!#now i need to be monitoring them really frequently#i should probably freeze everything just to be safe#im not a professional tho eugh#this seems to be par for the course for hobbyist collectors.....
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my roses have buds, the blueberries have green fruits 😌 it really is june 💙
#it's june but i'm not insane abt it anymore#roses should probably flower in may next year but they're all newly planted this year except the ones in shade lol#it's june huh#too hot to even go outside tho ughhhh#climate change i hate u fr#june used to be the perfect month where i live#anyway#n e way <3#i am at peace with it being june now it just took me a moment#im cleaning my room and finally putting away my winter clothes to make room for my aummer stiff and hopefully get rid of my laundry mountain#making my room clean will fix me#also i picked some irises they're so pretty goodbye depression#life is okay actually#in a few weeks there will be roses and i will eat blueberries off the bush and make jam and THEN i will be normal#working full time sucks so much there is no time for joy or life even tho my job is fine#im squeezing my entire life into my weekends#but im normal im fine#it's june and that is good
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